Here in these articles, we have looked at two keys to communication.
First, we noted the need to Listen More, and how we don't get much formal training in listening compared to other modes of communication like reading and writing. We called this special part of communication by several names: listening as a gift, mere listening, calm connecting, quiet presence.
Second, we explored the power in Saying "I," the honesty in it, the ability to decrease defensiveness and actually get to the bottom line in what we want in life. I gave you a formula for creating I-statements when the communication situation gets difficult, when you feel under pressure of some sort.
This completes the Part One of the Communication Training. If you read and try out everything posted so far on this website, you will have a good idea of the principles I teach that will dramatically increase the beneficial impact and results of your communication.
Part Two will examine various categories of situations and the different strategies required to implement these principles. We will examine them from the easiest and simplest to the more difficult and more dangerous, and we will discover how to use these keys to communication to open difficult doors.
I will list the categories here which I intend to explore. Please don't at this time try to categorize either a specific situation or some specific person. I will give you analytical tools for this as we proceed.
We will begin with simple diversity, where two or more people run into pronounced diversity among them regarding preferences and habits in work, leisure, activities, gestures, words, personal space, etc. These can cause great misunderstandings and even ignite feuds if not dealt with early and clearly. We will take steps to build awareness and strategies for handling this kind of difficult communication.
We wil examine communication ignorance, where the person you talk with has no clue about the things we've been learning here. This person may break any of the rules we have learned, and may not even understand why that matters. He or she may seem bigoted, beligerent, or arrogant when really he or she simply doesn't know any better and doesn't try to learn any better. Sometimes I use the work "jerk" for that person. We will study assertiveness skills and integrate into them the principles we've studied so far for powerful presence in the midst of ignorance.
Then we will look at real conflict where, after exploring the possibility of simple diversity, we discover that indeed one person or group of persons (party) needs or wants the very same scarce resource that another party needs or wants. This is differentiated from mere diversity by the notice that there are indeed scarce resources claimed by each party. Unless dealt with calmly, this can escalate into something much worse. Wars are fought over scarce resources! We will study conflict management skills and learn to do research in calm ways, and develop win-win solutions for all parties.
Next we will move into the more dangerous situations. We will look at verbal abuse learning to discern the reasons for its power and deflate it. We will examine anxious systems which in their corporate atmosphere perpetuate anxiety and its various forms of passive-aggressive behaviors; we will gain tools to stand apart in personal power. We will finish off with a look at antagonists, more difficult than mere hecklers for sure, and we will look for ways to keep safe.
Truly, communication is a complicated thing, and an ongoing learning experience. Your comments are invited. Your persistence will be rewarded.
