It's fun to work with a partner in these little exercises to notice how you notice nonverbals in your communication.
First Exercise: Say "Oh." Then say, "Oh," to indicate disappointment. Then say, "Oh," to show surprise. Next say, "Oh," as a question. Now give, "Oh," as romantic bliss. This exercise is meant to show beyond any doubt that non-word elements do matter in communication--tone, facial expression, body stance, gestures.
Second Exercise: Open the attached list of a sampling of common non-verbal elements. If you have the time, rate each item with a plus (+) or minus (-) signaling whether this item done by another person while talking makes you more open or not so open to the communication from that other person.
Open or not open is only one of a million and more implications of each of these and more non-verbal elements. This is sampling I use to teach the value of talking about nonverbals while we're talking.
Ask your partner in this exercise to rate each item with the same markings you used. Then share your highest plusses and your deepest minuses, talking about why you react to this or that item differently.
I think you will observe with me that it's very easy to mistake the meaning of another person's nonverbals. So whenever I say in this course to notice nonverbals, I mean notice them by bringing the nonverbals to verbal status. Talk about them and what they mean in the specific setting, the specific communication incident.
In any communication incident, it is a temptation to quickly move on assuming I know what that person means. But in a treck toward honest relationships, one must seek to understand the other's nonverbals even when they are different, with different meanings, from one's own.
