Why don't we listen better, more?
I put a poll on my website for awhile that asked that question. The responses to that poll, plus my own observations yield at least these hindrances to better listening.
Overwhelm
By far, the top-cited responses lie in the category of overwhelm. We live in a culture that bombards us with sound from radio, television, computer, vehicle wheels and horns, public places musak and announcements. We can carry sound with us by phone, ipod, mp3, CD, DVD, and laptop. We are so unused to silence that many cannot bear it. On top of the sound, pile the busyness with we fill our lives spilling over into all our relationships. We have to talk about our own expectations and responsibilities, and have no time just to listen. Add to that the fact that many Americans really don't feel well with causes all the way from fatigue or depression to cancer or medication. Our capacity to focus and clear the mind for listening to another person has dwindled.
Ignorance
I believe many people who don't listen well could learn and practice a few foundational principles that would revolutionize their successes and satisfactions in life. Many Americans did not grow up in homes where good listening was modeled and valued, and we actually lack common sense communication skills. Further, our ignorant communication blunders have become habits, so we hardly notice any more what havoc our habits of poor listening produce in our lives and the lives of those around us. The first habits of ignorance I meet and seek to erase are the belief that listening is not important and the belief that a person cannot learn to be a good listener.
Fear
Some say the reason people don't listen better is a fear of what they might hear. Indeed, humans do have a knee-jerk fear of the unknown, and what someone else is going to say is certianly unknown most of the time. We sometimes fear difference, and we think the other person may disclose something very different from us or from what we want to believe. I think we sometimes fear similarities, also, wherein the other person might uncover something in themselves which is similar to something we thought we had well hidden in ourselves. To meet this cause of poor communication, I seek to raise the motivation level above the fear level, citing the many worthwhile benefits of better listening and the coaching help available.
Malicious Bigotry
I think it is imperative that we recognize also that there is in some instances, a malice and bigotry that causes people to refuse the courtesy of listening. I don't ever automatically assume this cause, but I do recognize the reality of its existence.
