Some time ago I tought a class who studied Henry Cloud and John Townsend's book, Boundaries, When to Say YES, When to Say NO, to Take Control of Your Life (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992). Go to www.cloudtownsend.com.
It's a program of Christian stewardship, taking care of what God has entrusted to us individually for God's glory. We studied the difference between this and being self-centered.
*Boundaries are full of grace rather than vengeful.
*Boundaries take and require responsibility rather than lacking consequences for irresponsible behavior.
*Boundaries confront with care and respect, not allowing passivity, secrecy, or resentment to grow.
*Boundaries encourage purposed giving, and reject coerced giving.
*Boundaries make one response-able TO others, and never responsible FOR other adults.
*Boundaries cause you to confront the person involved, and never involve a triangle with gossip.
*Boundaries let you tell the truth and forgive, rather than excusing or extracting "pay."
*Boundaries cause you to keep relationship with God in the face of God's NO or God's silence, rather than letting you break connection with God when God doesn't do what or when you think God should do.