The Listenary

Questions are necessary in communication for several reasons. However, if the communication situation is intense or defensive or puzzling already, questions can escalate trouble. Furthermore, questions can interrupt the speaker or his or her train of thought. Sometimes you may find it useful to make questions into I-statements. Here and in my next article, I list some of the reasons to use questions along with some possible ways to turn those questions into I-statements. Read them aloud, analyze them if you wish, and make them your own.

1. To Learn and Understand

• I wonder what is the reason for your recent decision.
• I want to understand more of the facts. What I already have is the events up until noon yesterday.
• I understand that you would like me to write to Mr. Smith.

2. To Clarify Meanings or Assumptions

• I need clarification of your use of the word “debrief.”
• I wonder what you mean by the phrase “calm connection.”
• I wonder if you are assuming that I will be there.
• I think I heard earlier that you planned to attend.  Now I hear that you plan to stay home. In my understanding these two statements conflict with each other. I need some clarification please.
• Let me see if I got this right. In your opinion this company is too busy to look at the new option.
• I wonder what it is about my proposal or solution that troubles you.
• I wonder what you would do to correct my plan to better fit your needs.
• I sense that you feel uneasy with my decision.
• It seems that you like this logo and light blue stationery and don't like that logo and white stationery.
• Perhaps you told me before. Please try telling me again what you think about going to Atlanta next month.
• I may be mistaken. I think I heard you say that Joe is coming here tomorrow.

3. To Get Feedback

• I am ready to hear how you think this decision would affect you.
• I need your help. I want to hear your opinion regarding the new sales incentive.
• I need to hear from you about what I just said.

4. To Encourage Talking

• That worked, didn't it.
• You say things began going wrong when we opened the new branch.
• Tell me more.
• (Silence or acknowledging grunts.)
• I see/hear/understand/get the idea that you liked that very much.
• Tell me about the resources you've used before.