The Listenary

There are times when questions would only trouble the communication action. Questions can seem interruptive or attack motivated. Try these I-statements instead of the common questions. Be sure to use the statement inflection of your voice, turn the pitch down or keep it steady at the end of the sentence. Letting the pitch rise at the end as in a question, gives it the same feel as a question.

5. To Specify

• I wonder what it is specifically that troubles you about the new budget.
• I need to know what specifically he/she did that bothers you.
• I need your help. I want to hear what specifically you would change about the cubicle layout.

6. To Generalize

• I've called you three times now and you've put me off each time.
• I get the feeling that you don't need my services right now. I need to know if that's close to right.
• I wonder if at the bottom of what you're telling me is a fear that I don’t know what I’m doing.
• We have brain stormed quite a few suggestions. By looking over our list, I would say what we most want here is quality service for our customers. I wonder how many agree with me.

7. To Summarize

• I have heard several main points so far: You met with Mr. Jones on September 9. You discussed budget shortfalls. You also discussed scheduling difficulties.
• So perhaps these are the key factors in the problem: I’m more experienced than you are. You have more education than I do. We are both assigned the parts of the project that we detest.
• I see three pieces to your puzzle: Your mother is ill and needs you. Your job is at its peak season. Your graduation is only three months away.
  Apparently then, these are the key elements/ideas in the situation: a blue chair, a picture with gold and green colors, and a large window.

8. To Focus

• I need your help. Let's try to pull out the best of these ideas now.
• I think we're ready to vote on whether or not to go.
• I wonder which solution you think would work best for us.

9. To Control Digressions

• I am still wanting to hear what I thought you were going to tell me about last week’s trip.
• I may be mistaken. I was expecting to hear your decision about the marketing plan.

10. To Control Circular Repetitions

• To summarize, this is what I am hearing you say. I wonder if there is anything else about it that you haven't told me yet.
• I think I have heard the key elements affecting the problem. I need to know if that is all.

11. To Control Attack—Absorb and Exhaust It

• You're telling me that my company sent you damaged goods and then refused to exchange them. I need to know if there's anything else about our interaction that bothers you.
• Very possibly, I misplaced the letter. It is helpful for me to hear how that has inconvenienced you and what you need from me now.
• I hear you say that your office/production was badly disrupted by our oversight. Please tell me how we can help you now.

12. To Reduce Confusion of Expectation

• I wonder what it is you would like to know from me by the time our twenty minutes together is finished.
• I wonder if you would be prepared to tell me after my presentation whether or not you can use my services.
• I want to ask some questions to learn how I can help.